Fan Noise - "If the Seahawks were run like…"

Comparing a baseball organization with a football operation is truly a mark of a writer stuck in the middle of the offseason. That didn't stop Glenn Geiss from trying it, though…

I hate the offseason.

Wait. I said that last week. Hmmm. Nope, still applies.

This might seem like an odd column topic to write about, but it’s something that has been gestating in the back of my alcohol-addled brain for quite some time now. What would our Seahawks be like if the Mariners front office was running things?

Cortez Kennedy would STILL be a Seahawk. If ancient Edgar can still trot (and I use that word loosely) out and swing at bad pitches at over 40 years of age, why not Tez? The Mariners have one problem – they’re too worried about the Fan’s love affair with their favorites to get rid of declining players. Examples abound. Wilson. Edgar. Olerud. Boone. All fan favorites, and not producing at all. It seems - at least to me - that the Mariners management is worried that getting rid of Dan Wilson will alienate 90% of the female fan base. Sure, the Mariners have released good players in spite of their record, but those were because the players in question pissed off the management enough to sign their own death warrants.

Now, the Seahawks have kept their fair share of declining guys, but they also have had little problem cutting them. Take Chad Eaton, for example. This was Mr. Seahawk. He loved the organization, promoted it at every opportunity, and worked his butt off to get back in shape after multiple surgeries on his knee. His work ethic and desire was unquestionable. Cut.

Next, if the Mariners front office was running things…our head coach would be Gary Kubiak from the Denver Broncos. Forget going out and getting a Super Bowl-winning coach like Mike Holmgren. If the Mariners didn’t even bother going with a proven winner like Dusty Baker, what makes you think they would do anything to nab a big name coach for the Seahawks? Now, I have nothing against Gary, no more than I have anything against Bob Melvin. But neither one would quantify as *the* sexy headline splash pick, would they?

If the Mariners front office was managing the Seahawks salary cap…we’d have seven players accounting for 85% of the payroll, and the rest, average at best players. Thought we overpaid for Grant Wistrom? How about the signing nightmares of Jeff Cirillo and Randy Winn? Right now, I’d say that just about everyone within the Seahawks roster is making money commensurate with his production, with a couple of rare exceptions (*cough* Antonio Cochran *cough*).

If the Mariners front office was running our “game day experience”…instead of the Seagals doing halftime entertainment, we’d be subjected to janitors with brooms and mops on the 50 yard line dancing to “Y.M.C.A.”. We’d have the same stupid “Zombie Nation” tune being played during every defensive stand. We’d have overpriced beer and….oh wait. That part fits.

If the Mariners ownership was running things…our Stadium would have a $100 million-dollar retractable roof that is only really needed for less than two percent of the games during the year, or to translate it into football time, about one series out of the season. Last time I checked, part of the drama of a baseball game in the spring was the underlying threat that the game might be called due to the rain. Will the team get in the required innings to make the game official? Will the starting pitcher be able to loosen up again after sitting around for an hour while the rain poured down? With that darned retractable roof, all of that is gone, at least at home. Sports are meant to be played out in the elements. We had the Kingdome for years, it just wasn’t right to watch players scoot around on a carpet. It’s bad enough with FieldTurf.

The Mariners do get some things right. Their marketing department could teach a thing or two to the Seahawks. Their account reps seem on the ball. The food is pretty good, and varied, if overpriced. But all of those aspects are simply sideline issues when, at the end of the day, it’s the product on the field that counts, isn’t it?

Final note – big props go out to Detroit for knocking off the Lakers in such a butt-whoopin’ fashion. As I’ve mentioned before, I hate Basketball, but those games were pure entertainment. While it’s too bad guys like Gary Payton didn’t get his ring, the fact is, everyone roots for the underdog.

Glenn Geiss writes the "Fan Noise" column for Seahawks.NET every Thursday. Feel free to send him feedback at awpilot@wavecable.com.

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