Butthole-itis (But-hol-I-tis) A mental disease that infects the chemical composition in the brains of otherwise rational human beings once their NFL team begins to turn their season from poor to good. Especially rampant in east coast fan bases. Signs include talking insufferable trash in opponent team forums, a severe lack of respect for opponent team's success, strengths, talent and the distinct inability to recognize clear and unbiased thought-process and judgment. For reasons unknown, a small percentage of each fan base is able to avoid this disease altogether.
I'm not sure what turns some fans into buttholes but it's a rampant problem in America that needs to be addressed.
As a die-hard fan of the Seattle Seahawks going on 32 years, I have witnessed far more than my share of buttholes within the NFL fan community. Having created a forum community-driven fan site, that number climbs exponentially with each year.
Now let me make something perfectly clear. In no way am I suggesting the Seahawks fan base is devoid of butthole-itis. The truth is every fan base in the NFL is littered with those suffering from this prevalent disease.
At no other time during the course of the NFL season does butthole-itis present itself more efficiently and effortlessly than in the playoffs.
Currently, the infestation is manifesting through the fan base of the red-hot Washington Redskins.
A month ago, the Redskins were a lame-duck sitting at 5-7. Since then, they have won 4 straight off the lead of their 3rd string quarterback and a team that has rallied around the death of Safety Sean Taylor who was killed tragically after being shot in a home invasion.
So while there can be no humor found in that tragedy, it is likely that the success the Redskins have had since could in part be due to the kind of inspiration that can only stem from rallying around one another in time of crisis.
So before continuing, I do tip my cap to the organization for rallying together and playing inspired football through the loss of a teammate. A situation that can only end up either one of two ways; Implosion or Inspiration. The Redskins chose the latter.
Now having said that, it is time for many a Redskins faithful and media bobble head to come back down to planet earth a wee-bit.
The Seahawks are used to being underrated by fans of other teams as well as the national media. When you play football in "Southern Alaska" that tends to happen. But lack of media respect is no excuse for blatant stupidity.
Another symptom of butthole-itis by the way.
Before some of you Redskins fans go purchasing tickets to the Dallas divisional playoff game this week, you might want to consider just a few facts first.
- In the past four years no other NFC team has won more games (51) than the Seahawks.
- In the past five years only the Colts and Patriots have won more (5) consecutive division titles than the Seahawks (4).
- Qwest Field is home to more false start penalties (68) for opponents than any other stadium in the NFL since 2004.
- No other NFC team has had winning records the past five seasons other than the Seahawks.
- Since 2002, The Seahawks are 34-7 at home. Only the Patriots have a better home record in that time-span.
- Seattle's secondary led the league allowing only 15 TDs this season and second in the NFL for holding opposing quarterbacks to a passer rating of 73.0
- Seattle's defense led the NFC this season with 20 interceptions.
The point of all these peacock feathers is to help remind fans and media that while nobody is claiming the Seahawks are marching into Arizona in February to overtake the Patriots, you would be hard pressed to find a team with a more remarkable and consistent level of success in the league over the past four seasons.
A simple truth that is lost on ESPN and apparently anyone living outside the Pacific Northwest.
If you're looking at the final game, a loss against Atlanta, as any indication of what the Redskins have to look forward to on Saturday, you are in for a very big surprise. As much as the team would have preferred to finish the season with a victory, their minds and souls were already looking forward to this Saturday.
I actually think the Washington Redskins have a decent chance at beating the Seahawks this Saturday. Never underestimate the power of pulling together for a cause and right now the Redskins are playing inspired.
However, the advantage is clearly in Seattle's favor. We're at home. In front of the loudest fans in the NFL. The Seahawks may not be the greatest road team, but at home?
Quite nearly unbeatable.
So for all of you classy, intelligent Redskins fans, I say to you, may the best team win. The Redskins are playing very good football at the right time. They will give the Seahawks all they can handle I'm sure.
For all of you buttholes, well, I can't write what I would really like to say to you clowns.
Oh, just one friendly reminder:
Your fun little ride ends on Saturday.
Todd Breda is the owner of Seahawks.NET. When he's terribly busy not writing Breda Reports, you can find him either scanning the skies for UFOs or perusing NET Nation where he's known as "Aros". Todd, like Matthew, is also bald. If you would like to contact Todd you can reach him here.